Trauma-Proofing Your Kids A Parents' Guide for Instilling Confidence, Joy and Resilience

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Edition: 1st
Format: Paperback
Pub. Date: 2008-03-04
Publisher(s): North Atlantic Books
List Price: $17.95

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Summary

While their first book was written primarily for professionals, in Trauma-Proofing Your Kids, the authors zero in on assisting lay caregivers in the prevention and healing of trauma. It is written in accessible language for parents (whether biological, foster, or adoptive), grandparents, aunts and uncles, and daycare workers. In addition to preventing trauma, it is a practical guide for "stress-busting". Its emphasis is in promoting resilience for kids in our fast-changing world of mishaps, increasing pressures and turbulence. Most books that have been written about trauma address therapists or medical professionals leaving parents out in the cold. As helpful as these books may be, the authors are often limited in both their narrow understanding of the nature of trauma (attributing it only to devastating events such as violence and molestation), as well as ignoring prevention. Their emphasis is mostly on treating trauma particularly with drugs. This book, on the other hand, is about nipping trauma in the bud by offering preventative "emotional first aid" at the earliest signs that a child may have been overwhelmed. In addition to being an eye-opener to the world of trauma, this book also "breaks the mold" by addressing the core issue of trauma's affect on the body and what it takes to return the nervous system to a state of equilibrium and balance. It empowers parents to help their own kids convert stress into challenge. What is truly amazing is that this little book simplifies a complex subject that neuroscientists are grappling with so that mothers and fathers can apply this knowledge to foster resilient, compassionate and self-reliant children.

Author Biography

Peter A. Levine, PhD, is the developer of “Somatic Experiencing” and founder of the Foundation for Human Enrichment. A NASA consultant, he lives in Encinitas, CA. Maggie Kline, MFT, has more than 30 years of experience as a teacher, family and child therapist, school psychologist, and parent. She lives in Long Beach, CA.

Table of Contents

Dedication and Acknowledgmentsp. ix
Forewordp. xi
Trauma Is a Fact of Lifep. 1
Real-Life Examples of Children We Have Knownp. 4
Trauma Is Not Only in the Eventp. 7
The Recipe for Traumap. 11
The Recipe for Resiliencep. 12
Building Resilience by Building Sensory Skills through Practice, Practice and More Practicep. 15
Giving Appropriate Support to an Overwhelmed Childp. 15
Simple Steps to Build Resiliencep. 16
Developing a Calming Presencep. 17
Getting Acquainted with Your Own Sensationsp. 20
Exercise: Noticing Sensationsp. 20
Exercise: Exploring Sensations and the Rhythm of Pendulationp. 24
Exercise: Tracking Sensations with a Partnerp. 27
Exercise: Making a Sensation Treasure Chestp. 29
First Aid for Trauma Prevention: A Step-by-Step Guidep. 31
Tricks of the Trade: Restoring Resilience through Play, Art and Rhymesp. 41
The Story of Sammyp. 43
Four Principles to Guide Children's Play Toward Resolutionp. 46
More Help for Kids through "Make-Believe" Playp. 54
Art Activities: Clay, Play Dough, Painting and Drawingp. 59
Nature and Animal Rhymes Combined with Drawings That Build Resourcesp. 64
Remedies for Specific Situations: Amusement Park Rides to Zebra Bitesp. 77
First Aid for Accidents and Fallsp. 78
The Purpose of Touch When Helping a Child in Shockp. 83
The Power of Language to Soothe and Healp. 85
Exercise: Experiencing the Power of Wordsp. 86
More Animal Rhymes to Help Your Child Regain Self-Confidencep. 90
A Guide to Constructing a Healing Storyp. 99
Prevention of Medical Traumap. 102
What Parents Can Do to Prepare Children for Surgery or Other Medical Proceduresp. 106
When the Medical Procedure Is an Emergencyp. 114
Elective Surgeriesp. 116
Sensitivity to Your Child's Painp. 116
A Timely Word about Bullies and School Shootingsp. 122
Ages & Stages: Building Confidence by Fostering Healthy Developmentp. 125
Responding to Your Infant: Issues of Safety and Trustp. 126
Your Toddler's Needs: "Me Do It Myself"p. 127
"Tug of War" with Your Three- to Four-Year-Oldp. 128
Your Flirtatious Four- to Six-Year-Old Boy or Girlp. 130
Adolescent Development: Who Am I?p. 132
Sexual Violation: Reducing the Risk and Early Detectionp. 135
Sexual Trauma Symptomsp. 136
Reducing the Risk of Sexual Woundsp. 138
What Is Sexual Violation?p. 140
Steps Caregivers Can Take to Decrease Children's Susceptibilityp. 140
Games for Kids to Practice Making Boundariesp. 151
Why Most Children Don't Tell: Making It Safe for Them to Tell Youp. 154
Date Rape and Other Teen Issuesp. 156
Separation, Divorce and Death: Helping Your Child Move through the Grieving Processp. 159
Symptoms of Grief versus Symptoms of Traumap. 159
Two Views of Divorce: Rosy or Dark?p. 163
Surviving Divorce: A Guide to Preserving Your Child's Wholenessp. 165
Helping Your Child Grievep. 176
Dealing with the Death of a Petp. 178
Steps That Help Children Resolve Their Griefp. 184
Exercise: Grief Recoveryp. 185
Guerrilla Warfare in Our Neighborhoods: The Real Battle to Protect Kids from Terrorp. 191
Models for Change in Hospitals and Medical Centersp. 192
A Peek at a Model Family-Centered Children's Hospitalp. 197
Community Crisis Interventionp. 204
A New Model for Crisis Debriefing at Schoolp. 213
Notesp. 221
Bibliographyp. 225
Additional Resourcesp. 229
About the Authorsp. 233
Foundation for Human Enrichmentp. 235
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

Excerpts

The bad news is that trauma is a fact of life. The good news is that so is resilience. Simply stated, resilience is the capacity we all possess to rebound from stress and feelings of fear, helplessness and overwhelm. The analogy sometimes given for resilience is that of a metal spring, such as a “Slinky.” If you pull it apart, the coil naturally rebounds to its original size and shape. Of course, if you stretch this spring too many times (or exert too much force), it will eventually lose its elasticity.

People (especially young people), however, need not lose their resilience through wear and tear. On the contrary, we have the capacity to actually build and increase our resilience as we encounter the stresses and strains of life. Resilient children tend to be courageous. This doesn’t mean that they are attracted to dangerous situations, but rather that they are open and curious as they explore their world with gusto and exuberance. And, in their explorations, they inevitably have their share of rumbles and tumbles, collisions and conflicts.

When resilient kids meet these forces of nature, they are open rather than shut down. Openness, indeed, is the characteristic that most typifies resilient kids. They are open to other children and enjoy sharing with them. At the same time, they are able to set boundaries of their own personal space and their possessions. They are in touch with their feelings, expressing and communicating them in age-appropriate ways. And, most of all, when bad things happen, they have a wondrous capacity (when supported) to breeze through them. They are the happy, lively children we wish we were. Their biggest challenges occur from events that could be potentially traumatic. Let’s delve into what types of life’s circumstances might cause such overwhelming reactions in our kids.

Trauma can result from events that are clearly extraordinary such as violence and molestation, but it can also result from everyday “ordinary” events. In fact, common occurrences such as accidents, falls, medical procedures and divorce can cause children to withdraw, lose confidence, or develop anxiety and phobias. Traumatized children may also display behavioral problems including aggression, hyperactivity and, as they grow older, addictions of various sorts. The good news is that with the guidance of attuned parents and other caregivers who are willing to learn the necessary skills, children at risk can be identified and spared from being scarred for life, regardless of how devastating the events might be or seem.

Parents are, at times, conflicted between protecting their children and permitting them to take the risks that build confidence and competence. It’s a tricky balancing act because as they master their world, children can also be traumatized when the unexpected inevitably happens. As much as you may try to “child-proof” your home, ultimately children—driven by their curiosity—will explore and get hurt. That is how they learn and they will have their share of falls, burns, electrical shocks, animal bites and other encounters with the non-forgiving forces of nature. No matter how hard we try, we cannot close our children off in an impenetrable (and inescapable) bubble of safety.

Our children are frequently exposed to potentially traumatic events. But parents need not despair. It is possible to minimize the effects of the “ordinary” situations mentioned above, as well as those from extraordinary events such as natural and man-made disasters, including violence, war, terrorism and molestation. Are we being ridiculous by proposing that adults can “traumaproof” kids? We don’t believe so. Remember, although pain can’t be avoided . . . trauma is a fact of life . . . but so is resilience, the capacity to spring back.

In this book you will learn practical tools to maximize your child’s resilience so that their equilibrium can be restored when they are stressed to their breaking point. Armed with this “recipe for resilience,” parents and other responsible adults can help to trauma-proof their kids while also generally increasing their tolerance to everyday stress. In this way they can truly become stronger, more caring, joyful and compassionate human beings. The word “trauma” pops up in the headlines of magazines and newspapers regularly. Popular TV shows such as The Oprah Winfrey Show bring understanding to millions of viewers regarding trauma’s gripping effect on body and soul. Trauma’s devastating impact on children’s emotional and physical well-being, mental development and behavior is finally getting the recognition it deserves. Since September 11, 2001, there has been an information blitz on how to cope with catastrophe.

Despite this focus, however, precious little has been written regarding the common causes or the prevention and the non-drug treatment of trauma. Focus instead has been on the diagnosis and the medication of its various symptoms. “Trauma is perhaps the most avoided, ignored, belittled, denied, misunderstood, and untreated cause of human suffering.” (1) Fortunately, you—the parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents who nurture and protect children—are in a position to prevent, or at least mitigate, the damaging effects of trauma.

In order to do the most good for the children in your care, first you need to recognize the roots of trauma. Next, we take a closer look at trauma—its myths and realities. In this way you will understand what may cause a child to remain overwhelmed even though the actual danger has passed.

This book will teach you how to help children notice and move through painful sensations and feelings without undue distress...

1. Peter A. Levine, Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma (Berkeley, CA: North Atlantic Books, 1997).

Excerpted from Trauma-Proofing Your Kids: A Parents' Guide for Instilling Confidence, Joy and Resilience by Peter A. Levine, Maggie Kline
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